bobby, thankfully, relinquishes his hold on him and john's left standing there. still mildly stunned. for a long moment, he's silent — unsure of what to say or do, but. finally. he moves away from the other mutant. moves towards the window and just... stands there. staring to it and his reflection there in front of him. ]
Alec used to climb through these windows to see me.
[ gently, he lifts a hand. presses the tip of a finger to the glass. stares to it as he slowly drags that finger down, eyes sad as he watches. ]
He'd run across rooftops with his quiver and bow. I thought it was stupid at first but then I'd leave the window open a bit so he could crawl through easier. [ there's a smile that faintly touches his lips as he remembers those nights that are so so incredibly long ago. ] He was the first guy I ever really... did anything with... felt anything for.
[ he looks to his reflection there again in the glass of the window. hates the way he can see his eyes tearing up. closing them for a second, he drops his finger away from the glass. sighs. hangs his head enough that strands of hair fall in front of his face. ]
I'd start fights with him sometimes. Because I'm jealous and insecure. Hated the thought that I wasn't enough. I didn't care if he slept with other guys. I just... didn't like the thought of not being the only one there in his heart. Not being the most important one. [ a beat, he sighs again. ] We broke up and got back together a couple times. Because of me every time. But then he disappeared and I'd never felt pain like that before in my life... I burned everything that I could until I couldn't anymore. Then he came back and disappeared again and it just... was never the same and I don't really know if he knows that, despite the shit I put him through, I really did love him and I still miss him sometimes.
[ There it is, a window to John's soul gradually opening. Bobby takes a peek, lets himself in, while he listens to words he never thought he'd hear from his best friend. There's a dull ache that persists the more John continues as he tries to piece together the story in his head. John meeting this Alec, falling for him, getting together with him, argues with him, eventually loses him. He wants to be there, places himself in those memories of years prior and long gone, in a feeble attempt to understand, to feel the anguish so he can comfort. He wants to hug John the moment his heart first broke, wants to stop him from setting ablaze everything he sees, wants to shake this Alec's shoulder so he won't leave John again, so he can remember.
But those were all in the past and he regrets not being there for his best friend. So all Bobby can do right now is quietly approach John from behind, slow steps as if any more weight will shatter this scene before him. Once he's close enough, he reaches forward and places one soft, soothing hand on John's shoulder and squeezes carefully in reassurance.
He's quiet, and in the silence of his room, he can feel his heart begin to thunder. He doesn't say anything and allows his hand do all the talking for now, and in a move that shouldn't surprise him but does, he wraps this hand around John shoulders and loosely, and ever so gently as if embracing shattered glass, hugs him from behind. Bobby knows John hates this, most likely hates this physical contact coming from him, but he wants to be here for him in all the ways he couldn't before, in all the ways that should matter. ]
[ bobby embraces him from behind and, while not shocked and confused this time about such a thing, like before, he doesn't move. just stands there. staring past his reflection to the outside down around the apartments. ]
I've done a lot of shit here. To a lot of people, too. I hade Nate magically split me in two one time to try and make myself stop feeling the way I do when I get in moods. When I want to just burn everything and everyone around me and don't give a shit about what happens after.
[ like when they'd faced off against each other on alcatraz. ]
The splitting me in two thing wasn't supposed to happen, but. Point is, I do a lot of reckless and impulsive shit when I get that way. I leave people and don't ever look back when I do.
[ like on the jet, when he'd walked away from both bobby and rogue who had wanted him to stay. ]
Except I always look back, eventually, and it's not that I regret what I've done all the time. It's more that sometimes I wish it could have gone differently.
[ Bobby holds him and lets him speak his heart, his eyes wandering on their reflection then also down to the other side. He almost winces when John told him about Nate splitting him into two. He doesn't want to imagine the pain he must've felt to even consider such a reckless move, but he knows it stings him too, in a way. Could he have stopped John during that time? Definitely not, but he wants to be there for him, at least.
John is many things, and Bobby knows this, has accepted all this. He's impulsive and his mood shifts a lot, but Bobby never sought to change him, because John's flaws make him who he is.
When Bobby speaks again, his voice never strayed from the mild, calm tone he had earlier. ]
We can't change what happened. [ Alec, splitting into two, burning everything, leaving the jet, Alcatraz. ] But we can change how we go from here.
[ Small words, he thinks, but hopes they're enough. John doesn't like the sappy, nerdy, weird things he says so he keeps it succint and genuine. His thumb softly caresses his shoulder to somehow add more reassurance. ]
[ can they? he doesn't know. granted, it's been a number of years since he, personally, has seen bobby and, therefore, the sting and anger he'd carried with him prior to his leaving the x-men and everything that happened on alcatraz has softened some, but. john is still john. still a raging fire when angered or wronged and still prone to recklessly impulsive decisions he doesn't always think through. sure, they may be having a moment right now, but it won't last. learning how to weather john's drop of a hat mood swings is something only very few can handle, he's learned.
but those that can are still here, surprisingly.
he turns then. looking to bobby, back somewhat pressed against the glass of the window. stares to him in silence for a long moment, as if trying to recall all their time spent together at the school before everything happened. was that really him or just a means to try and fit in around the school? sometimes it's hard for him to tell and he's spent a number of years here trying to figure that out — soften his anger. ]
You know I'm just gonna hurt you, right?
[ a warning he gives to him while he's in a moment of self-awareness. ]
[ Bobby searches John's eyes when the other turns around to face him. He's also lost in that sea of memories from all those years ago and he briefly wonders if they're ever going to return to them. Most likely not, so Bobby stands his ground, and means what he said. The past can't be changed anymore, both the ugly and the good, so what they do from now on is what's more important.
Reaching out his hand again, he places it on John's arm as a gesture of comfort but also assurance. He smiles, just a little, lips curving up a bit. ]
Not any more than you already have. [ Wider smile this time. ] So yeah, I know. Signed up for it since day one. [ Even if he didn't know back then. ]
[ for now is on the tip of his tongue, but. he refrains from letting it slip. instead, he brings his own hand up, presses it there firmly against bobby's shoulder and... leans in. real close. noses just barely touching... before he shoves him aside and makes his way over to the bed to which he drops himself down onto it. sprawling out. arms tucking behind his head. ]
[ The moment John leans in very close like that, Bobby's cheeks turn red despite himself. His blue eyes widen a tad and for a second he doesn't know what to do. He visibly gulps, breath hitching a little, then John shoves him away and he's gone and Bobby just stands there for a while because what the hell just happened.
Clears his throat and watches John get comfortable on his bed. ]
Yeah, uh. Hard to sleep on sometimes. [ Actually most times but he's still a bit taken aback by what happened. He eventually walks to his bed, though, and sits. ] At least you're making yourself comfortable.
[ He catches John's eye when he says that and gives him a soft smile to reassure him, even if the whole conversation of contracts doesn't sit well with him still. ]
Just haven't met someone I trust who's gonna take me in. [ He knows more Submissives, actually. ]
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bobby, thankfully, relinquishes his hold on him and john's left standing there. still mildly stunned. for a long moment, he's silent — unsure of what to say or do, but. finally. he moves away from the other mutant. moves towards the window and just... stands there. staring to it and his reflection there in front of him. ]
Alec used to climb through these windows to see me.
[ gently, he lifts a hand. presses the tip of a finger to the glass. stares to it as he slowly drags that finger down, eyes sad as he watches. ]
He'd run across rooftops with his quiver and bow. I thought it was stupid at first but then I'd leave the window open a bit so he could crawl through easier. [ there's a smile that faintly touches his lips as he remembers those nights that are so so incredibly long ago. ] He was the first guy I ever really... did anything with... felt anything for.
[ he looks to his reflection there again in the glass of the window. hates the way he can see his eyes tearing up. closing them for a second, he drops his finger away from the glass. sighs. hangs his head enough that strands of hair fall in front of his face. ]
I'd start fights with him sometimes. Because I'm jealous and insecure. Hated the thought that I wasn't enough. I didn't care if he slept with other guys. I just... didn't like the thought of not being the only one there in his heart. Not being the most important one. [ a beat, he sighs again. ] We broke up and got back together a couple times. Because of me every time. But then he disappeared and I'd never felt pain like that before in my life... I burned everything that I could until I couldn't anymore. Then he came back and disappeared again and it just... was never the same and I don't really know if he knows that, despite the shit I put him through, I really did love him and I still miss him sometimes.
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But those were all in the past and he regrets not being there for his best friend. So all Bobby can do right now is quietly approach John from behind, slow steps as if any more weight will shatter this scene before him. Once he's close enough, he reaches forward and places one soft, soothing hand on John's shoulder and squeezes carefully in reassurance.
He's quiet, and in the silence of his room, he can feel his heart begin to thunder. He doesn't say anything and allows his hand do all the talking for now, and in a move that shouldn't surprise him but does, he wraps this hand around John shoulders and loosely, and ever so gently as if embracing shattered glass, hugs him from behind. Bobby knows John hates this, most likely hates this physical contact coming from him, but he wants to be here for him in all the ways he couldn't before, in all the ways that should matter. ]
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I've done a lot of shit here. To a lot of people, too. I hade Nate magically split me in two one time to try and make myself stop feeling the way I do when I get in moods. When I want to just burn everything and everyone around me and don't give a shit about what happens after.
[ like when they'd faced off against each other on alcatraz. ]
The splitting me in two thing wasn't supposed to happen, but. Point is, I do a lot of reckless and impulsive shit when I get that way. I leave people and don't ever look back when I do.
[ like on the jet, when he'd walked away from both bobby and rogue who had wanted him to stay. ]
Except I always look back, eventually, and it's not that I regret what I've done all the time. It's more that sometimes I wish it could have gone differently.
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John is many things, and Bobby knows this, has accepted all this. He's impulsive and his mood shifts a lot, but Bobby never sought to change him, because John's flaws make him who he is.
When Bobby speaks again, his voice never strayed from the mild, calm tone he had earlier. ]
We can't change what happened. [ Alec, splitting into two, burning everything, leaving the jet, Alcatraz. ] But we can change how we go from here.
[ Small words, he thinks, but hopes they're enough. John doesn't like the sappy, nerdy, weird things he says so he keeps it succint and genuine. His thumb softly caresses his shoulder to somehow add more reassurance. ]
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but those that can are still here, surprisingly.
he turns then. looking to bobby, back somewhat pressed against the glass of the window. stares to him in silence for a long moment, as if trying to recall all their time spent together at the school before everything happened. was that really him or just a means to try and fit in around the school? sometimes it's hard for him to tell and he's spent a number of years here trying to figure that out — soften his anger. ]
You know I'm just gonna hurt you, right?
[ a warning he gives to him while he's in a moment of self-awareness. ]
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Reaching out his hand again, he places it on John's arm as a gesture of comfort but also assurance. He smiles, just a little, lips curving up a bit. ]
Not any more than you already have. [ Wider smile this time. ] So yeah, I know. Signed up for it since day one. [ Even if he didn't know back then. ]
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I don't know if you're dumb or stupid.
[ but, even as he says such a thing, it's not with malice or disdain. it's more flat... and teasing. ]
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Maybe both? You're welcome to tease me about it all you want, but I'm here.
[ Even if you hurt him or try to kill him again. Rigid just like the power he wields. ]
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These beds are still like they always are. Shit.
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Clears his throat and watches John get comfortable on his bed. ]
Yeah, uh. Hard to sleep on sometimes. [ Actually most times but he's still a bit taken aback by what happened. He eventually walks to his bed, though, and sits. ] At least you're making yourself comfortable.
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[ he raises a brow some as he looks to bobby there joining him on the bed. ]
The ones I had were never around. Or just barely. Got contracted and left this dump. I preferred it that way. Gave me the room all to myself.
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[ Looks around their shared apartment. Prompto's also barely around. ]
But like yours, he's barely around and I know his best friend's here and a Dominant, so he's gonna get contracted soon.
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[ something john always liked and preferred when he was living in these. ]
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[ Bobby sighs and lays down next to John, his eyes trained on their unkempt ceiling. ]
Kinda jealous, though, you know? That he's finally out of here.
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[ he glances over to bobby there beside him as he says that. ]
Just don't take forever.
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[ He catches John's eye when he says that and gives him a soft smile to reassure him, even if the whole conversation of contracts doesn't sit well with him still. ]
Just haven't met someone I trust who's gonna take me in. [ He knows more Submissives, actually. ]